GETTING OUT OF TDE (The Desperation Effect)
In the last post I described The Desperation Effect. Being so desperate that we become like two south poles of magnets just pushing away at each other.
You might have recognised yourself in the stories I shared and asking yourself, ‘Well, Katrina, how do I get myself OUT of this cycle?’ because I still really WANT that job/that relationship/that baby/that house/that trip/that money.’ What can I do?
No matter what you seek, the answer always remains the same.
You need to turn inwards.
You need to come home to you.
Focus on you.
Invest in you.
Have fun with yourself.
Be present and be aware.
All very vague concepts, I know. But, let me explain with a tangible example (my own). While still wanting a career and a title.. I loosened my grip and turned my focus to being really present in the waitressing job I currently had. Being present with the customers and staff. I turned my focus again to journaling and writing. I turned my focus to poetry and having fun - I went to open mic nights and shared my words on stage (fun, right?!). I let go of expectation and focused on myself.
I focused on pleasure, enjoyment and being fully planted in my truth. Which was a 29 year old waitress, with little money, a big heart, perseverance, creativity, passion, verve, excitement. I helped people and in turn they helped me. I connected with people. I was present in all my interactions.
Not long after this, the beginnings of what you see now - the Self Worth Mentor writing to you - came to fruition.
Let me give you another case study. When the girl who desperately wants a relationship - quits holding on so tightly and starts to focus on ENJOYING BEING SINGLE. When she starts saying, ‘fuck it, I’m taking myself out to dinner, I’m buying myself flowers..’
She never stops being open to opportunity, but she focuses on enjoying herself. She focuses on being present. She loosens her grip on her relationship status.
BOOM. The man appears.
Or what about the couples so desperate to fall pregnant and then they forget adopt and are so busy being present with their current child that they fall pregnant. They loosened their grip, they focused on what was in front of them.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
If you are stuck in TDE what do YOU need to do to get yourself out?
And I mean YOU - while what I have shared is a generalised topic, it is also very personal when applied.
Questions to ask yourself…
What makes me truly happy?
When do I feel most WHO I REALLY AM?
When does time fly by? (what are you doing?)
How can I express myself more fully?
How can I practice being fully present on a daily basis?