I was sitting down this morning writing in my journal and this story came through. A memory. A memory of locking myself in the bathroom for a shower so an ex-boyfriend couldn't come in and join me (I was mad at him). I was writing about this time in my life when I was so down and out, I was so lost. (Why was I living with this guy anyway??)
Locked up in this shower of an old Queenslander in Southport, staring at the mould growing on the tail of the shower curtain was my only solitude. See at this point, I shared a room with this guy, a house with three guys, worked a hospitality job and went to university (all highly populated areas). This was my time to myself and while the steaming hot water dripped over my body I wondered, 'How on earth did I get here?'
The circumstance of me arriving to live with my boyfriend was a situation in which I had given up room in an apartment on the beach with a good friend so that her brother and his girlfriend could live there. It was a choice I made. A choice I made against my better judgement. A choice I made because, 'I stay with my boyfriend all the time and it's closer to university anyway.' It was a choice I made that betrayed myself but made the situation for everyone else easier.
But not for me. My life got harder. My boyfriend at the time was playing with trading on the stock market. Which meant he'd be up until two in the morning, waking me up when he came to the room. I had conscientiously packed my back and my clothes for the next day outside the room so when my alarm went off, I would wake in the dark and step outside, so as not to wake him. The same conscientiousness was not afforded me. He would stumble in at two and turn on the light, fumble around and of course, I was awoken. Of course, it took me forever to get back to sleep. Of course, there were plenty of times I slept through my alarm.
Now, forgive me for being so selfish. The title of this story is about YOU and the one reason you are stuck in the same place.
Forgive me, I don't want to bitch about my ex-boyfriend who I am actually on quite good terms with and who I don't hold any grudges against.
I simply wanted to illustrate how I made a decision to make other people happy.
To make other people happy.
To make OTHER PEOPLE happy.
At the expense of my own happiness.
The single one reason you are stuck in the same shitty job, the same shitty relationship, the same shitty financial situation, just the same old rut in general?
Because you are betraying yourself.
You are making choices to make others happy.
You are putting others before you.
You are claiming that 'you don't know what to do' so you listen to others.
You keep making micro-decisions that prioritise other people over yourself.
That's what I was doing in that situation. That's how I ended up locked in a shower wondering how I got there. I made micro-decision after micro-decision to please other people, to ensure their happiness, to ensure their comfort.
If you want to STOP repeating this same mistake? Join me for the Reconnect Journey.
Write your way forward,