3 steps to getting your inner critic on side
As I sat down to write this very article, the little voice inside me cropped up with,
‘What do you really know about this topic?’
‘Who is even going to read this article?’
‘You’re just wasting your time.’
Readers, meet Rosie. She’s that voice inside of me that tells me I’m never any good, that I’ll fail, that I’m small, that I need to learn more, study more, do more, be more, have more. She’s my personal Inner Critic.
She’s bloody relentless, if I let her be.
So, how can you identify your Inner critic?
Here are three ways to identify your Inner Critic by her style of speech:
She’s mean, harsher than you would ever speak to anyone else
She’s very black and white in her opinions
She’s a broken record, you’ll notice that while every now and again she’ll throw in a creative new line most of the time she comes down to a few core stories she’s been repeating for decades. Rosie’s personal favourite is ‘you’re just not good enough’. Yeah, I love that one. (note the sarcasm there please.)
If I constantly allow Rosie to rule my life, she’ll cost me so much. Including;
Your Joy and fulfilment, Rosie is always coming from a place of lack. She will always steal my joy, my fulfilment and sense of purpose
Your Health. Rosie is a stress head and we all now the detrimental impact of high stress on our health.
Following your heart, your dreams, your big work in the world. If I allow Rosie to rule my life, I wouldn’t be writing this post. I wouldn’t be a coach, I wouldn’t be writing my first book. Your inner critic will cost your big dreams, your fulfilment and joy if you let it.
A small caveat for you, Rosie’s never going to go away. Her and I are in this thing FOR LIFE. So, pushing her aside is not the solution. Neither is arguing for that matter because Rosie is cunning and even the fact that she has my attention for the duration of the argument is a win.
So now we know how to identify our Inner Critic, how can we get her onside?
Notice when your Inner Critic is speaking and identify it. Become aware of your thoughts and when your Inner Critic is in control. ‘This is my Inner Critic speaking.’
Name your Inner Critic. Just like I’ve named Rosie, give your Inner Critic a name, a character, a style. What does he/she wear? Look like? For eg. Rosie is a 30-something business woman dressed in a skirt-suit. She’s always well manicured, she works long and hard and holds me to these expectations. She abhors laziness and strives for achievement, recognition and getting the most done.
Ask what your Inner Critic needs. Your Inner Critic is, believe it or not, serving a purpose. That is, to protect you and keep you safe. Notice how he/she shows up every time you do something that is meaningful to you? Your Inner Critic is designed to keep you safe from rejection, making a fool of yourself, making mistakes for example. If you can ask her, in your journal or mind’s eye what she needs and how you can help her feel safe.. You can lessen her impact.
I hope these tools help you build a relationship with your Inner Critic. Because, she’s going to be with you for a long time so you might as well get her comfortable with the fact that she’s no longer going to be in the driver’s seat.
Life’s short, be sassy.