The Desperation Effect

Today I want to introduce a little somethin’ to you that I like call

‘The Desperation Effect.’

Have you ever wanted something so damn much? Oh so much? You would do ANYTHING to have this in your life?

For me it was a meaningful career and a title to wear with pride. Oh I wanted to ‘be someone’ so damn. Bad. It was the only thing I truly craved.

I made a decision long ago that I didn’t want marriage, kids and a white picket fence. Which, by process of elimination left travel and career (in my eyes). Which was fine by me! I was ready (am always ready) to getting the car and drive, to jump on a plane and explore a new city/country.

I bought my first car at 16.5 (couldn’t legally drive it on my own until I was 17 and I haven’t stopped road tripping since! I’m also the first person people think of when there’s a spare ticket, a flight, travel, exploration coming up. Which, is a fact that I absolutely love - people think of ME when they think about fun and travel? Awesome. Over the years I’ve landed myself a free trip of 10 thanks to my open mind and sense of adventure.  

I digress. Back to wanting a career so damn much.

What do you think happened with this career and this job title?

IT ELUDED ME like trying to get a fistful of water.

I put it up on such a high pedestal that it was unobtainable. Because it had to be perfect. I mean, I had one choice. For the career of my life time. (I know, I know this is actually true but 20-something Trini thought it was). I needed to wear the perfect title that ENCOMPASSED ME.

Do you know utterly impossible that is?

(of course you do)

One job title to encompass all of who you are? I mean, we are so many things and nothing all at once. If we want to get really ‘woo woo’ we ARE THE UNIVERSE. How can I encompass THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE in one piddly job title.

But I got hooked on this and consequentially my career and title ran for the hills.

This, my friends, is The Desperation Effect.

To give you a better, clearer example, I liken my elusive career path and the chase for it to a woman desperate for a relationship. We all know the kind right?

The girl who yearns, longs, pines to be in a long-term committed relationship that she’s asking questions about the future and practically moving in on the second date. Yuh, THAT GIRL.

What do you think men who are on the receiving end of that kind of panting and lock-down do? Run for the fucking hills. You guessed right.

She’s D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E.


The Desperation Effect (the TDE from here on in) comes in to play when we DEFINE OURSELVES by that part of our lives. So if you are beginning to define yourself by your career or lack thereof or perhaps your relationship status… You can end up in the cycle of TDE where you REPEL the one thing you truly desire.

Anyone with me on this? What area of your life do you experience this with?

See the next post for how we GET OUT of the TDE and attract what we really want into our lives (HINT: it’s the same process no matter what it is you’re desperately seeking.


Katrina Hahling